Respect

I'm growing further and further away from the ones I love. Not because of myself or my actions. I'm watching people change. I'm seeing many people go back on what they've said. Turning their backs to their "beliefs". So, I've been thinking a lot about respect lately. Self respect, respect for others, their beliefs, their values, and their feelings.

I myself am guilty of being a dick from time to time. Not because I need to make myself feel better in any way. But it's because I blatantly don't like someone, something, or the situation. But not to say I put everyone and everything down. I had a lot of friends up until recently. I always gave people a chance, and welcomed and embraced new ideas with open arms. Being that kind of guy, I considered myself very respectful.

Lately, all of those who I showed respect towards have done nothing for me in return. In actuality, they might as well have spit in my face. I've placed myself in a really hard position, I've put myself out, I'm trying to help someone who I love very very much. Not because I want to anymore, but because I feel it's the right thing to do. And trust me, I'm fucking struggling. I've done everything I can, everything I know to do. I'm trying to make this work. Wouldn't you do the same for a close friend? So I'm here helping, doing everything in my power to help. And what's done in appreciation? Nothing, I'm constantly being told half truths, I know. I can feel it, I can see it in their eyes. Acting out against me almost. Blatantly disrespecting me, in almost every aspect of my way of living. I live a pure, clean, honest life, and I'm here supporting you. The least you can do is show some RESPECT.

And at the same time, I have people who claim to "care about me". I know you're liars. If you cared, truly, you'd think before acting on impulse. You'd think think with your heart, not your dick. Regardless, of what you may say to try and salvage this, there's no turning back. Like I've said many times before, I'm over being trampeled on by my "friends". Where is the respect?

Is it a value that only a few possess? Is it a human morality that people have forgetten? I don't understand, if that's the case. Why do I still feel it is my responsibility to uphold such a task? Maybe I'm wrong about everything. Maybe humanity has reached a point where values mean nothing anymore. In the mean time, I'll be searching for that answer.