Pathetic.

I'm trying not to be so down right now. I mean, I leave here on Thursday the 26th! Two days from now! But it's hard to think that I'm going to return to a place I'm disliked, unwelcomed, and hated. I mean, fuck I honestly could care less the state of things, but it's just odd to think I left there with so many friends. And can honestly say, that I did nothing that should of caused this result. I've stood up for myself, and done what I have believed to be morally right. But, people don't see it that way, so fuck it. There's one person that it actually does bug me that I know we won't be friends anymore. There's a simple explanation and absolutely no excuse to be made. I will not be friends with someone who drinks. I'm over and done with that. Time and time again I'm shown that people who have no respect for themselves (drinkers/smokers) are not capable of respecting others. I'm not talking about the ocassionally drinker, but people who just get fucking trashed all the time, who have nothing to live for but the drink in their hand. It's fucking weak. And I will not be a part of it. People know this about me, always have. And to think that someone who has been around me for a number of years, who has been my "best friend", and continually asks me to be a part of their life, would want to take part in such an act. FUCK THAT! Honestly, if you (and you specifically) are drinking, I hope you fucking choke on your hypocritial words. For years you've downed on substance abuse, and now you stand on the same ground as the fucking pathetic you once spoke of. I'm glad to see that everything you said to me was a lie. I'm glad that you didn't stand firm in what you "believe". Most of all, I enjoy my "BEST FRIEND" so blatantly disregarding me.

Don't expect me to be in your life. You're fucking weak.

Suffer, To Return Harder

Let's start with what's good! I leave Canada next week, HOLY SHIT! I am so ready to be out of this hole they call "Victoria". So road trip to Virginia starting on the 26th. Should take me about 4 days or so to get across the country. So, I'm stoked to be out of here. I'm stoked to be around a few people in Richmond, bummed about being around most.

Every day I wake up prepared to be shut down by someone I care about. I put everything I have into everything and everyone around me, and I'm never shown appreciation for what I do. I've been there for so many, and now when I need it, I'm surrouned by a bunch of rats.

As of late, I've been shut down for standing up for my brother and my friends. In fact, a friend of mine was so blatantly disrespected, it surprised me he didn't stand up for himself. But when I take a stand against what was done to him, I'm shut down by mutual friends of ours. Makes no sense to me.. But I will do what it takes to make this right.

I've been lucky enough to have several great people come into my life recently. I can't tell you the feeling I have knowing that these people are here for me. And I mean really here. These guys have been nothing but great to my brother and I. I am in forever in debt for what's already been done, I love each and every one of you. I will be here every day to show you my grattitude towards your actions.

I will see those who matter very very soon!

Respect

I'm growing further and further away from the ones I love. Not because of myself or my actions. I'm watching people change. I'm seeing many people go back on what they've said. Turning their backs to their "beliefs". So, I've been thinking a lot about respect lately. Self respect, respect for others, their beliefs, their values, and their feelings.

I myself am guilty of being a dick from time to time. Not because I need to make myself feel better in any way. But it's because I blatantly don't like someone, something, or the situation. But not to say I put everyone and everything down. I had a lot of friends up until recently. I always gave people a chance, and welcomed and embraced new ideas with open arms. Being that kind of guy, I considered myself very respectful.

Lately, all of those who I showed respect towards have done nothing for me in return. In actuality, they might as well have spit in my face. I've placed myself in a really hard position, I've put myself out, I'm trying to help someone who I love very very much. Not because I want to anymore, but because I feel it's the right thing to do. And trust me, I'm fucking struggling. I've done everything I can, everything I know to do. I'm trying to make this work. Wouldn't you do the same for a close friend? So I'm here helping, doing everything in my power to help. And what's done in appreciation? Nothing, I'm constantly being told half truths, I know. I can feel it, I can see it in their eyes. Acting out against me almost. Blatantly disrespecting me, in almost every aspect of my way of living. I live a pure, clean, honest life, and I'm here supporting you. The least you can do is show some RESPECT.

And at the same time, I have people who claim to "care about me". I know you're liars. If you cared, truly, you'd think before acting on impulse. You'd think think with your heart, not your dick. Regardless, of what you may say to try and salvage this, there's no turning back. Like I've said many times before, I'm over being trampeled on by my "friends". Where is the respect?

Is it a value that only a few possess? Is it a human morality that people have forgetten? I don't understand, if that's the case. Why do I still feel it is my responsibility to uphold such a task? Maybe I'm wrong about everything. Maybe humanity has reached a point where values mean nothing anymore. In the mean time, I'll be searching for that answer.